Humor in Honor of Jeff Hodgson
[A quick shout out to our Pilot Pastor, Jeff Hodgson, who I'm sure could add a few of his own stories.]
After every flight, pilots fill out a ‘gripe sheet’, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems and document their repairs, which pilots can review before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews have ever lacked a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance crews.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Probably because auto-land is not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode has a 200 ft. per min. descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF IS inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft acting funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last...
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.